Miss Fanny from Texas has won the funny menopausal night sweat and hot flash contest from http://www.haralee.com/ with this entry from her blog, Fanning Flashes, http://www.fanning/ flashes.
I think her story and picture is self explanatory. We have all been there and Miss Fanny is brave enough to share.
Fuzzy brain is a weird condition of menopause…a well-documented syndrome in which the afflicted struggles to have a complete thought as a result of the cataclysmic evacuation of estrogen from the system. Who knew estrogen really made one think clearer? By the way, this is not a scientific theory, more of a menopausal hypothesis.
Earlier this morning, I was checking out some recent posts from my favorite blogs and came across one about buying things in multiple which made me think of a recent fuzzy brain faux pas story which related to multiples purchases. For those of you who aren’t familiar with multiples purchasing, it basically means when you find something that looks good on you, taste good to you, or fits you, you buy it it in every color or flavor (for me that would be shoes and girl scout cookies).
So where does the fuzzy brain syndrome fit in with multiples purchasing you ask?
I believe this photo speaks for itself...
I took this glamorous ped-shot with my iphone midday at a board meeting after looking down in horror, apparently for the first time that day, to discover I had worn two different colored shoes. After my discovery I didn’t hear a thing in the meeting. I was immersed in a detective-like retracing of my mismatched steps leading up to the sighting. My fuzzy brain was racing…Who had I talked to? Did anyone try to give me a clue? Would there be a new fashion rage at the hospital system of trendy wannabes working the two-different-colored-shoes look?
I wish I could tell you that this was the first time I had done anything like this but that would be a lie. No, fuzzy brain syndrome and I go way back…there was the time I went on three hospital site visits with an old band-aid stuck to the back of my head or the conference I went to with my shoes on the wrong foot and limped around a good part of the day before I realized it. Yes, I am no stranger to menopausal fuzzy brain ( as many of my loving facebook friends reminded me when I posted the foot shot on my wall), the only difference was that when I launched the two-different-colored-shoes look, I had a temporary lapse in fuzzy brain and the forethought to know that this had to be captured by photo.
The Coupledom Through The Life Cycle: Tools are needed throughout relationships to deal with “change”. In the beginning of the committed relationship couples believe that they share goals, values and styles. The notion that personalities remain static is unrealistic. Development proceeds throughout the life cycle. Just as children shift and morph who they are, so do adults. The early pictures of “growing together as a couple” need to be reviewed and updated.
Hormonal changes are only one of the many variables that impact the “maturing Coupledom”: parenting changes: careers change; in-law needs change; locations change; health and economics change; cultural messages change. All these variables criss-cross the body of the relationship in unexpected ways, leaving a pattern of trails and tracks that cover over the traces of the younger Coupledom, making it difficult to recall what was once there. The more these variables are identified and discussed along the way, the better the prognosis for the Coupledom.
Aging Isn’t Easy Under Any Circumstances: Whether It Is the Journey To Adulthood, Or the Journey Through Adulthood: We are all conversant with the concepts of the terrible two’s or the adolescent years, times associated with growth and challenge. But what needs to enter every day parlance is the concept of A Lifetime of Changes and Challenges for the Maturing Coupledom. Adjustments to aging are not gender specific. They are universal. Men who saw themselves as the young hot shot at work are now the older not so hot shot. Women who had powerful roles as mothers or professionals witness a loss of significance and momentum. Mirrors know longer seem like portraits of the present but frightening warnings of the future. Erection challenges, pretty new neighbors, a friend’s much richer husband or a child’s success or failure all converge to destabilize self-esteem, self-image and relationship security.
Same Sex Couples: Midlife challenges are not limited to heterosexual couples. Same sex couples experience all the same variables. Whether there is more empathy because of shared gender is an intriguing question for which I have no answer; but certainly individual sensitivities, visions and goals need careful exploration and consideration. Visions will change, and all the pressures of facing a future together demand the same careful attention and communication as with heterosexual couples.
The ToolKit of Strategies: The Art of The Mature Conversation.
The All Important Basic Rules of Decency (BROD): Before you embark on sensitive topics such as menopause, andropause, dreams and goals, rules of decency have to be established. Intimacy can breed contempt but all couples have to fight that tendency. Whether it be the annoyance of listening to snoring night after night, bathroom behaviors, or disgust at the sloppiness of one and the compulsive neatness of the other, insults, words of contempt, superiority and ridicule are foul play. To approach sensitive conversations, rules of decency are required. Below are some rules to follow.
Differences in the Details: Making light of your partner’s concerns is taboo. Whether it is a defense or lack of imagination, poo pooing a spouse’s focus on a 4 pound weight gain, a few less hairs, or wounded feelings, is destructive and hurtful. Instead try to understand. Walk around in your partner’s “moccasins” for a bit. After all, this is how we parent. As parents we try to imagine how it feels to be a two-year old when she tries to master a new skill but can’t get it at first, or a teenager who has just been rejected by a boyfriend or lost a soccer game or received a rejection from the college of his choice. We need to use that same imagination with our partners. What might seem trivial is in fact representative of much larger issues.
Imagination and Empathy are Tools of Love: These strategies build bridges and weave threads of connection between people. Do not be dismissive or mocking, no matter what thoughts leap to mind or tickle your funny bone. These very thoughts might really be the defense of humor triggered more by fear or embarrassment than pleasure. Details or minutiae have larger themes, representing something far more significant for your partner than you may at first recognize. They are telling you something. Restrain Yourself. And be smart.
How Vulnerable And Open Can I Be?: Can I, as the husband, really share with my wife some embarrassing worries about my virility and attractiveness, or that I failed to become the man I envisioned ? My disappointing earning power: my fear that whatever I earn, she will spend on others. I don’t want her to see me as a wimp or make fun of me. Can I as the wife share how helpless and ashamed I feel with all these mood swings, forgetfulness and muddled thoughts. I don’t want to be the butt of his macho jokes. Once the rules are agreed upon, fears can be shared safely. Tread lightly on soft surfaces.
The Conversation: First step is to ask yourself what do I want my partner to understand about what I am going through? Once you identify the essential issues, then establish the Basic Rules of Decency with your partner. Should those rules be broken, agree to suspend the conversation for the moment, and reschedule it. Don’t over react and make the “conversation” the problem. Just regroup and begin again.
The Language of Conversation: It is always best to speak in the first person “I” when talking about feelings. “I feel” works a lot better than “You make me feel”. “I would like you to understand” works better than “You don’t understand what I am going through”.
As the listener, if you cannot take it all in, or feel overwhelmed or stymied as to how to respond, ask for time to think over what you just heard. “I may need some time to understand all that you have shared”. Set that up as an option in advance. Time is a friend. Use it.
Problem Solve as A Team Even With The Most Intimate Concerns: Concerns regarding sexual comfort and performance can be brainstormed together. And if no answer seems available in the moment, again take the time to seek out an expert, or go online, and make sure to continue the conversation together with shared information and suggestions. If your concerns are about fitness and attractiveness, formulate a mutually satisfying schedule to work out, together, or by taking turns with each covering for the other. Agree on dietary changes or take up a new outdoor hobby. Become good friends again. Help each other out.
Shared Visions Conversation: Do We Share a Similar Vision of Our Future?: Always Be Curious, Never Assume you know your partner’s mind. Ask! Describe what you would like as a future together. Offer your idea as one option, not “the” option. Have this conversation in the beginning of the relationship and often over the years. If time is a pressure and decisions for the future have to be made, but the visions clash, always look for that “third option”.
There is Always a Third Option: Someone wants a sports car, and the other to redo the bathrooms. OK. Take some time to look at options. Visit some car showrooms and tile stores. Someone is dreaming of retirement in Florida and the other wants to stay close to family. Take out a map, check distances, climates and costs. Perhaps the dream of a Porsche is postponed for a steam shower in the new bathroom. Or a sports car is expanded to include a trip through the Napa Valley together with the top down. Something that both can enjoy. Stay open, playful, imaginative and do not let any one conversation be the final one….until you are both comfortable with its outcome.
Surely It is Worth It: During any conversation where the stakes are high, reactivity may soar. Buttons get pressed, but remember this is just the beginning of a series of exchanges over the shared lifetime. Crank down the “threat level”, listen and learn. No quick decisions, just process, reflection and empathy. For one moment, ask yourself, “what is it like to be her, to be him?”. For just a moment. Take Your Time.
Surely It Is Worth It.
Epilogue: That Couple mentioned in Part 1 did listen, and came up with a mutual vision, a “third option” to their life view, that healed enough of the hurt, deepened the bond and allowed them to move forward with their shared life. Each one took responsibility for their role in the “perfect storm”. No one bad guy. No one bad gal. Just two people who forgot to trust for a moment in the process of sharing what was hurting the most. Temporary solutions were sort outside the marriage, for both of them, and nearly cost them the marriage. It Ain’t Worth It.
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A DC Tale from a former Washingtonian – Diane Noboa
The battle of the sexes is probably a topic you are very familiar with. No one can escape the controversy that our differences generate…we think different, we act out of different motivations, our way of expressing ourselves can’t be more opposite, we confuse each other with what we really want to say sometimes, we play love and hate games with each other that border on insanity and yet, there is something deliciously peculiar about the way we are interwoven. Man and woman are made for each other. Made to complement each other and become one.Procreation (as I am sure you are aware of) is an old and well known activity we’ve engaged in since the beginning of time.
I’ve read so many essays and books on our differences, I can’t begin to enumerate them, we could talk until next year about them…and without a doubt they all agree on one point: we ARE different. But how different are we really? Have you thought about the fact that “Woman” has “Man” in it? We could easily be in front of a word game here…let’s see:
Mrs. has “Mr.” in it;
Female has “Male” in it;
She has “He” in it;
OK, you get it. This is that message circulating around our spam folder…but have you given it a second thought? Why in the bejeezus would these words – meant to describe man – be part of a woman word? Look at the four examples I give you, why is “man” in everything “woman”? And please don’t think about the obvious, but rather challenge yourself to look beyond the manly perspective into the subliminal…Now look at these and tell me there isn’t a direct relation between the most important male accusations about our behavior…and MEN! How simply insane is MENtal illness; MENstrual cramps; MENtal breakdown; MENopause; GUYnecologist AND when we have REAL trouble, it’s a…HISterectomy!!!
I propose we, as women, humbly agree with men (observe the word play – you’ll never be free from this analogy again), and acknowledge we are very much affected by them. They are part of us in more ways than one. They could, in fact, be proportionally related to the magnitude and severity of said maladies. I mean, as kids (and mine are all boys) they come into the world as rambunctious little tornadoes and they bring all this incredible and marvelous HAVOC to our lives and in everything they do. How they play, how they fight, how they eat, how they dress, it’s a crazy mess and something, I clearly know, I could not live without.
To serve my point, I love men. I appreciate them and I can’t tell you enough about my little musketeers. And although some guys grow up to become complete jackholes (hmm…perhaps these are the men that are included in the above mentioned disorders and maladies) others are supreme in their masculinity and absolutely wonderful specimens that honor women and make it so incredibly joyful to have them in our lives. Even bad boys are good to have around us sometimes…splashing color when we’re bored
I learned from my English Literature and Political Science courses at Trinity College, we ultimately believe we have discovered sliced bread by acknowledging this dichotomy between the sexes, but this conversation is older than time itself and doesn’t discriminate based on race, age or class…Enjoy the quotes and share them with your friends!! They will no doubt stir up quite a discussion on your FB profile…
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” ~ Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet and dramatist.
“He is half of a blessed man. Left to be finished by such as she; and she a fair divided excellence, whose fullness of perfection lies in him.” ~ William Shakespeare (1564-1616) British poet and playwright.
“It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son — and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.” ~ Helen Rowland (1875-1950) American journalist and humorist.
“The cocks may crow, but it’s the hen that lays the egg.” ~ Margaret Thatcher (1925-?) British statewoman.
“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” ~ Mae West (1892-1980) American actress and playwright.
“The great living experience for every man is his adventure into the woman. The man embraces in the woman all that is not himself, and from that one resultant, from that embrace, comes every new action.” ~ D. H. Lawrence (1885-1930) English writer.
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I went for my pre-op blood work and paperwork signing yesterday and made out fine. That’s a big deal to me because I don’t do well with blood work and have to lie down to have it drawn or I’ll pass out. Definitely not one of my favorite things to do in the world.
Last night was another sleepless night filled with sweating, freezing, tossing and turning. At least I’m on my school vacation this week and don’t have to set an alarm until 2/22. I’m not sure what today brings but I’m just glad to be home home.
I tried calling my dad the other night to tell him about my upcoming surgery but he wasn’t home and hasn’t called me back yet. I don’t think he’s going to fully understand… many people don’t. Not that I’ve personally told many people but there is so little known about BRCA mutations amongst people who are not affected by it that it’s completely foreign to them. I haven’t avoided telling him because I want to keep it a secret from him, rather, I don’t want him to worry about my surgery and think about it until it got close. Also, I’ve chosen to not share it with everyone that I know so the fewer people that know about it, the less chance it will become a topic of conversation around town.
I grew up in a small city and still live and work in the area. I know a LOT of people and things spread like wildfire here. I don’t feel comfortable about having something so personal being the headline news around town. I don’t feel that people will be talking about it in a bad way or anything but I just don’t want my health to become such public knowledge. I also don’t want to have “explain” everything.. what it’s all about, my reasons for my decision, defending my decision, etc AND…. like I said in my very first post: My children and siblings have yet to be tested and I don’t want to drag their health into the gossip either. It’s just not something that I want on publicized.
Wendy. First the Delany sisters and now this! Clearly, the best writers are old writers!
I was just reading Green Eggs and Ham with my 6-year-old son, and some questions came up about Dr. Seuss. So, we Googled him. I did not know that Theodore Geisel’s (aka: Dr. Seuss) career as the writer we know and love began after he was 50 years old! Yes, he did write before he was 50. But the whole Green Eggs and Ham phenom happened later.
Apparently, in May 1954, (he was born in 1904) Life magazine published a report on illiteracy among school children, which concluded that children were not learning to read because their books were boring. And so, a textbook editor at Houghton Mifflin compiled a list of 348 words he felt were important for first-graders to recognize and asked Geisel to cut the list to 250 words and write a book using only those words. Spaulding challenged Geisel to “bring back a book children can’t put down.” And Cat in the Hat was born.
In 2000, Publishers Weekly compiled a list of the best-selling children’s books of all time; of the top 100 hardcover books, 16 were written by Geisel, including Green Eggs and Ham, at number 4, The Cat in the Hat at number 9, and One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish at number 13.
Another interesting tidbit? He did not win the Caldecott –or–the Newbery Medal.
Just goes to show you. You can be old. You can be a loser. But you can still have a whippin’ good career as a writer.
I started keeping a journal in the fall but didn’t keep it up. Here are the entries.. (Names have been changed or omitted)
10/13/09 Just back from a glorious weekend away… time to relax and put my worries and troubles behind. It was great although coming home I was filled with a sense of dread and it all came to the surface. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of my job. It’s not enjoyable this year with J’s behavior issues and the (state mandated portfolio student testing) hanging over my head. On one hand, I hate to have to go in this week knowing that I’ve got lots to do because of both of those things by Thursday and Wanting to be there because I don’t want to face what I have coming up. Part of me wants to throw myself into work and let that be the most demanding thing on my time and energy. The other part knows that I need to focus on my own health right now.
Before the saga started, (my co-teacher) and I had great plans to make this the best year yet. I’ll be so glad once Friday is over and I get a good report, then I can exhale and allow myself to even think about this school year. I know that I’ll still be out for the mastectomy surgery which will be a long haul but honestly, I’m petrified that they’re going to find something right now and I’ll have to face the monster of Ovarian Cancer.
I’ve decided to write down my journey and journal about what I’m feeling and what’s going on. Initially, I didn’t bother because I was optimistic that there wouldn’t be a “story”. I thought I would just get the appt with the specialist, he could hear my history and agree that an MRI was warranted and that would be that…. little did I know the can of worms that I would be opening that day. Knowledge is power, and it may save my life but let me tell you, knowledge is also scary.
Time to get ready to go to school to prepare my lessons for a week out. More later. ..
10/14 Another day closer to D-Day and things at school are still up in the air about J. Trying to plan an emergency meeting for today or tomorrow but we’ll see how that goes. I’ve heard that they may not approve funding for the pca and that sickens me! I’ve expressed my concern since the very first day of school about my ability to keep him and others around him safe and that extra adult is imperative to insure that I do. If they do deny it, I will have lost all faith in their “children first” and will view them as empty words. What it really would translate to is using the excuse of children first when it allows them to disregard a union contract but not when it was actually for the child’s best interest. We’ll see how that goes…
We have swim today but I’m not sure if my class will be going as I can’t bring J and the others may not have their slips in on time. I’ll see when I get there.
I had a decent night sleep last night for a change and for that I’m thankful. I didn’t really think much about Friday, just read until I was almost out, said my prayers and fell off into sleep. DH came home earlier than usual and I got up for my usual bathroom run then promptly fell back asleep. That’s usually one of my biggest problems. When I get awakened at 3:30 – 4:30 I have a hard time falling back asleep because I do nothing but think about what’s going on… wheels spinning and spinning…
Not sure if I’m going to end up with a final period… it’s due any time this week. I’ve been very gassy but that could just be my nerves or my paranoia because I know that bloating and gas is “one of the signs”.. Lately, every twinge has me nervous.
Time to get ready as I have a meeting before school, then dentist after.
10/16 It’s now the morning of my last day with my ovaries. This afternoon, my body will never be the same again. It’s 9:00 and I’m unable to drink anything before I go in for 11:00 to prep for the 1:00 surgery. The past few days have been stressful and busy with work things. We finally had an emergency meeting for J and I needed to stay at work until 5:30 to get my plans and materials in order for the sub. As of now, he’s scheduled for today and all of next week.
I’m scared. I’m scared of them finding something. I’m scared of the massive blowout to my hormones that is surgical menopause. I’m scared that I’ll become old. I’m so HEALTHY… I’m never sick, never take a pill, am physically active and still feel so young. It’s hard for me to accept that I have to do this when I feel so good. Most people who go in for this type of surgery have been having “women problems” so it comes as a relief. For me, nothing could be further from the truth. I know it’s NECESSARY because of my genetic makeup an it will be a relief when it’s over and I’m cancer free but it’s still scary and not something I want to do. I am doing it because I need to do it.
Right now, I’m not even thinking about the next phase of surgeries, I’m just focusing on this one and it’s enough for me to emotionally deal with at once. It’s not that I planned on having more children, but I could have and still feel young enough that it was possible. Just knowing that I Can’t is a loss. More than that though, I don’t want to lose a part of my body, especially healthy parts. I am in no way second guessing my decision to heed my doctors’ advice.. I know that I have to do this but it still hurts my heart. I’m scared.
10/17 I made it through and I’m home recovering. Thankfully, it was done laproscopically and I’m not in much pain at all. The most uncomfortable thing is the extreme dry mouth and throat and the trapped gas pains in my chest and shoulder area from the procedure. I still need to cough to clear my lungs but that hurts the incisions and one started to bleed when I did. I’m on the couch for a couple of days and DH has been taking care of me and hooked me up with all of my things to keep my happy; my laptop, books and knitting. Of course the TV is here but I rarely watch so it will likely only go on when he’s down here too and for the game. He always is the best about feeding me and taking care of me too… I ‘ve got a great nurse in him. He did the same when I fell down the stairs and was out of commission with a back injury a couple of years back so I’m not surprised.
Physically, I don’t feel any different yet in terms of my hormones but it hasn’t even been 24 hours without ovaries. It did feel like my insides were dropping the first couple of times I stood up but that’s gone now. I’ll be out or work for the week and I see Dr. B for a follow-up and to get pathology results. I’m remaining optimistic that the prophylactic procedure was done in time and that I’ll get a clean bill of health. I was terrified that they were going to open me up and find something right away but just making it through the surgery put my mind at ease. (Of course I’m not stupid.. I realize something could show up in the path but my biggest fear that they would open me up and find that I was full of cancer and it was too late is gone.)
1:30 In lots of pain today from the CO2 rising to my neck and shoulders. The incisions only hurt if I cough. Hoping that it dissipates soon!
10/18 8:30AM Was in agony for most of the day and evening yesterday. There is extreme pain on my right side in my chest, shoulder and neck area from the CO2 gas that is trapped there. I tried using the heating bag of herbs but while it feels nice to have something warm on it , it doesn’t dissipate it at all. They say laying down is supposed to help but it hurts more that way so I can’t. I can just feel the throbbing and stabbing pain. I ended up sleeping sitting up last night so I’m not really rested. I’m going to try walking around a lot more today and maybe some upper body yoga stretches..
DH is taking great care of me of course and I’m not surprised. I’ve got plenty to eat and drink (although not that hungry) and he’s being my gopher when I need something from up stairs. The girlies are a bit confused and I can hear Sugar crying a bit because she knows I’m down here. They do jump up for kisses on their way in and out the door though. I’m thinking that once the pain subsides, I’d like to cuddle one at a time down here for a bit. I miss them.
I’m flowing from my last period of all time.. not too heavy yet and my incisions are looking decent. My stomach is more swollen today than the first day and it’s tender but not painful. Of course, nothing compares to the neck pain so everything is relative.
Finished an audio book yesterday and knit a few rows on my afghan but that’s all I could handle.
10/19 The pain in my neck and shoulders resided a bit today and I was finally able to lay down so I spent most of the day napping. I felt nauseous quite a bit and thought I was going to vomit but didn’t. I did sneeze quite a few times which hurt the incisions but it doesn’t look like they are bleeding.
A friend had a baby today and it’s weird to think that as that couple is bringing a new life into the world and nursing a new baby, I’m at the very end of my fertility. So far, I must still have some hormones in my system because I haven’t felt any different yet. I’ve been a bit sweaty but so has DH so I don’t think it’s just me. I’m experiencing my last period right now as I was actually due to start the morning of my surgery and was spotting when I went in.
Tonight, I can’t sleep… I’m not sure if it’s because I napped so much today or for another reason but I’ve just been through a whole series of breathing exercises with Dr. Weil and it hasn’t helped. I figured I should just log in and purge my thoughts here so I can let them go.
Tomorrow I need to call Dr. B’s office to schedule my follow-up for about two weeks. Of course I haven’t heard anything about pathology yet but I’m remaining optimistic. As soon as I get back to school, (co-teacher) and I have a lot of planning to do and I need to immerse myself in it while awaiting the next step of the journey.
I haven’t really given much thought to it right now because I was so focused on this initial surgery and only want to take one step at a time but as soon as it’s in the forefront and there is talk of a date, I will be speaking with my precious children about the “whys” behind all of this. I’ve avoided it so far because it’s not even REAL to me yet and I don’t really have answers for them yet. It’s not that I’m avoiding the truth, I just don’t feel ready to bring it up until it becomes reality. Not only that, if unfortunately there is any sign of ovarian cancer then it needs to be dealt with first. I will definitely “come clean” about everything all at once if god forbid, that’s the case.
10/20 I didn’t fall asleep until after 1:30 last night… could be because of all the sleep I got during the daytime naps or it could have been because my wheels were spinning with school stuff or a combination of both. This morning, I still can’t take a deep breath as that pocket is still there. It’s not as agonizing as over the weekend but it definitely is not completely gone. I went upstairs to get my clothes for a shower a little while ago and got winded and felt dizzy.. go figure. I’m going to have to make it up there tonight to sleep as DH is working tonight so I’ll need to be there to get the girls up in the morning. I still plan on camping out down here for most of the day because dogs jumping all over me (and fighting over me) is not something I’m ready for yet.
10/21 I slept upstairs for the first time last night..and took care of the girls. It’s amazing how tired and winded I get just doing the simplest things. I’m glad I took the full 10 days before having to go back to school. I can’t imagine making it past first period at this rate. The CO2 has dissipated much more but today I’m getting twinges in my abdomen and am flowing more. It’s like a full period right now. I’ve got my follow-up appointment for Dr. B scheduled for 11/4 and haven’t heard anything about pathology as of yet. I’m assuming that I won’t hear until that day if it’s negative but will get a call sooner if they found anything.
I’ve had a few episodes of sweating but it could just be the fact that it was a gorgeous near 70 degree day. Did some more knitting, read up on reconstruction options in the paperwork from Dr. M and online and finished another audio book. Don’t even want to think about going back to school yet… zzzzzzzzzz
10/22 Finally able to sleep on my side last night which was heaven! I’m feeling emotional today and it’s a little unnerving… I guess it’s because I’m still not feeling great, am getting winded and tired easily and it’s already Thursday. I don’t want to take too much time out of school but don’t want to go back until I’m ready either. Things have been nutty at school according to the girls there and I’m not sure I can handle it right now.
Physically, I’ve beginning to feel like I need to urinate when I stand up and there is pressure in my abdomen. It’s not a painful feeling but it’s a little uncomfortable. I also started with the sniffles and am hoping I’m not coming down with anything.
Emotionally, I’m holding it together but have had some waves where I just need a good cry. Friends online are having babies and my fertility and youth have come to a crashing halt. I’ve been thinking a lot about the reconstruction options over the past couple of days and while I can speak about it clinically, inside, it hasn’t really hit me yet and it feels like I’m talking about someone else’s life.
10/23 I had a hard time sleeping last night… read until 11:15 and fell asleep until waking at 1:00 with a bad dream. Couldn’t get back to sleep thinking about work so I turned on the light and read until 2:30.. Fell back asleep until DH got home around 3:30 then took me another 1/2 hour or so to fall back. I woke up at 6:00 and rolled over then dragged myself out of bed with Chloe’s scratching at 7:15.
I’m really torn.. and scared about going back to school on Monday. There’s lots of stress there and I don’t feel well physically yet. I don’t want to go to in too soon and not be able to make it. Once I’m back it will be harder to leave than if I just take longer out to recover. I’m very petrified of “not being able to handle” the stress and demands of this job. I’m worried that I won’t have the patience to deal with it and will crumble into a heap of teary mess that I am right now. Life and dealing with this long battle would be so much easier without the burden of responsibilities that is my job… But, it is my job and my life. I’m so torn between putting myself first which I really NEED to do and taking care of my responsibilities there. I don’t want to let anyone down.
I called the doctor today and she had me go it to do a urine culture. I’m glad I did because the pressure is getting worse as the evening is going on. At this point, I already put in for Monday but if this is an infection, then I’m Definitely calling out for the entire week. I’m actually 90% certain I will anyway as I don’t want to make the mistake of going back too soon, finding that i”m not able to handle it then have to take more time out. It will be worse for the kids and for me. Time to finish my book and hope that I crash all night. I’m going to try some melatonin tonight too.
10/24 Lazy day spent reading, knitting, etc. Still having the pressure to urinate but doesn’t seem worse, but not better either. Quite a few hot flashes while watching movies at night. I already don’t like this surgical menopause thing.
10/25 Cried myself to sleep last night.. tears just came. And while DH takes great care of me in terms of food and pitching in around the house, I’m in this one on my own. He’s not the type to ask what’s wrong, give me a hug or even hold my hand when I’m down. That in itself makes me nervous about the emotional effects/mood swings/ etc that may come with this. Is he going to be able to handle it and better question is, will I?
10/26 Talked to Dr. B this morning and she was surprised at my slow progress.. now I feel guilty about taking the whole week out. I definitely couldn’t have gone in today and I’m not 100% but I’m not as bad as I was Friday and Saturday. I struggled with my decision about taking the week out and decided that I needed to since I definitely can’t swim Wed. and have a dr. appt on Friday but that’s not the whole of it. I desperately don’t want to go back too soon and find that I can’t handle it. Staying out and keeping the consistency with the sub is a better move and won’t kill me if I fall flat on my face. I’m still waiting to hear back about the urinalysis but I’m assuming that it’s negative since I haven’t heard back yet. That feeling of needing to void might have just been swelling. I think I’m just going to accept my decision and not feel guilty about it at this point.
I’m starting to have hot flashes pretty consistently and will be looking online for natural relief remedies.
Convo which sums it up: and had some wavering of decision to stay out the week this morning
[10/26/09 7:42:47 PM] me: talked to dr… she was surprised that I had such a hard time and don’t feel ready
[10/26/09 7:42:56 PM] me: so I felt guilty today
[10/26/09 7:43:12 PM] me: sigh.. you know me with my struggles to do the right thing all the way around
[10/26/09 7:43:14 PM] me: but….
[10/26/09 7:43:20 PM] me: talked to someone at work today
[10/26/09 7:43:24 PM] T: i know….
[10/26/09 7:43:25 PM] T: and?
[10/26/09 7:43:29 PM] me: it’s nutty and a zoo but my class is in good hands
[10/26/09 7:43:38 PM] me: so, I know that I did make the right choice
[10/26/09 7:43:46 PM] me: I don’t need that added stress right now
[10/26/09 7:43:46 PM] T: i agree
[10/26/09 7:43:52 PM] T: correct
[10/26/09 7:43:57 PM] me: so now I feel good
[10/26/09 7:44:01 PM] T: does the doctor know your job?
[10/26/09 7:44:09 PM] me: yes
[10/26/09 7:44:22 PM] me: I think she was thinking more physically
[10/26/09 7:44:23 PM] T: how can anyone really know what it’s like though
[10/26/09 7:44:29 PM] me: I kno
[10/26/09 7:44:44 PM] me: she said it does happen to some ppl that the gas lasts that long
[10/26/09 7:44:47 PM] me: but not typical
[10/26/09 7:44:58 PM] T: ok
[10/26/09 7:45:03 PM] T: and so it is
[10/26/09 7:45:06 PM] me: I’m ok with it now
10/28 Getting stronger each day but had some diahreah yesterday. L came by to see me and stayed awhile. I’m still awaiting pathology results but thinking positively. I’m getting physically closer to getting ready to go back to work but emotionally don’t think I could have dealt with it yet. I made some pasta and heated up some garden sauce that I had frozen from the summer and just sauteing up some vegetables and putting that together exhausted me. Today they go swimmng anyway and I couldn’t have gone in so it’s just as well. We’ll see what today brings.
I know I don’t have a UTI because they never called me back but I can’t stand this pressure! It feels like I have to pee and my bladder is not full. grrrrrr I’m having lots of pain in lower abdomen around incisions.. it feels like the nerves are waking up since surgery… skin is sensitive to the touch and feels funny.
I spent a lot of today looking up the two types of reconstruction. I really wanted the TRAM flap but I’m nervous about losing the core muscles and today I’m 146.. may not have enough tissue. F’s office called and offered two dates 1/8 or 2/17. The January one works for both doctors but neither “owns” the operating room time and would have to wait to see if it’s available. 2/17 is theirs but it’s further away and I’m not sure if I I should wait that long. It would kill me to wait and just miss the safe time by a little bit… Today was very emotional… I’m so confused. I have to make decisions about dates and types of surgery. In both cases I need to choose between A and B. I choose C: None of the Above…. ;-(
10/29 Ugh….. I woke up sweating at least a dozen times last night. I don’t think I got two solid hours in before waking up, getting drenched, having to throw off the covers then put them back on when I got chilled. I tried the sublingual menatonin but I don’t know if it will help me sleep through it. I’ve got so much to think about ….. I’m expecting a call back from M’s office today since they didn’t call yesterday. Tomorrow is B.
Difficult day today.. spent lots of time googling TRAM procedures and the ability to exercise post op and it seems that the majority of ppl who have posted have had horror stories. I’m so nervous now about the side effects of muscle loss. I talked to Dr. M’s office and they can see me on 11/5 to reexamine me to see if I even still have enough tissue and to consider it. I want to talk to him about the long term exercise effects for both procedures. In the mean time I’m sticking to the FORCE website message boards to have discussions with other women. It seems though that most ppl on there have DIEP instead of TRAM for the self tissue procedures. I don’t think he does that procedure. It’s another thing to ask when I go. Then.. there is the issue of the timing and scheduling of the procedure. So many questions and my head is spinning. Been doing some crying too… Cleansing… of my mind and body…
10/30 Had my appointment with B this morning and got the best news… all pathology is negative!! I talked to her about the hot flashes and she suggested increasing my soy products initially to begin. If I don’t get any relief I need to call her in about a month.
I spent more time thinking about the long term effects of both surgeries and am feeling that the loss of Abs and what it might mean in terms of exercise might be too great a sacrifice. If the doctors here did the Free Tram then I would be much more for it but none here do. I’ve decided to talk to D next door about her experiences with patients who have undergone either procedure since she is a PT.
10/31 Went for a walk at (the state park) and went to the market which was mobbed. Either activity would have been OK but doing both was too much. Nap time…
11/1 quiet day at home then out for dinner with DH.. very good night
11/2 Back to work today. Tired by 9:30 but JR was very OFF and was out of control. Actually elbowed me in the abdomen trying to run out of the room for the second time. Buckled over … stomach was hard and gaseous all day. Not sure if it is just because of being on feet all day and moving around more than I had in two weeks. Bed at 7:30 and asleep at 8:30 but up all night.
11/3 Still hard stomach and gassy. Hurts to sit down. Sharp pains… still waking all night. Took some melatonin but not sure if it helped. M called and was disappointed that they never contacted me for the support group. We talked for awhile about my struggle with deciding on which procedure for me. Will keep in touch.
11/4 Still painful to the touch and bloated. Walked to swimming today and I was at the back of the pack… how times change! In bed early and hoping to be able to pass some gas.
11/5 Stomach is still hard and very bloated. It’s hard to breathe and my pants are so tight. Up at least a dozen times with a wet pillow, sheets and pajamas. Worse than the sweats though are the chills that come from being so wet and cold. I’m not experiencing any REM sleep at this time as I only never sleep more than an hour at a stretch… sigh….
This upcoming article will cover the intensity of emotions as regards most anyone with a Spectrum issue. Using my own personal experiences as a guide, I will relate many of my tempestuous moments, my elated highs, disabling fears, and darkest depressions. As much as my sensory system is hypersensitive, so are my emotional senses, or states. And this transforms into behavior.
I’ll relate both effective and ineffective strategies for coping, using myself as an example. And why not? If you find yourself put together in this world in a particular way, a way that baffles both you and most others who know you, well, there ought to be at least some small payoff in all of this! Sharing what I have learned is my way of feeling positive, in some small way, about my life. And if this should help you understand yourself better, or someone you are caring for, then my pursuit will have paid it’s own dividends right then and there.
Thank you for visiting my blog today. It is still new, and I am still developing content. Do feel free to look around - heed my warnings about foul language on the Memoirs piece (still under development) - and please leave your comments. Those posting comments are making some very helpful suggestions to me, which I intend to heed as I blunder onward into this new ‘blogging’ venture of mine.
Must childish South African girls swot stirring that mascara and corporal attractiveness are defining to the hopes of becoming leaders.
The happening of ocular manifestations is approximately comparable between men and women.
Estrogen is used to treat baking flushes in women that are experiencing menopause.
Little is known about the epidemiology of rosacea, but the event most commonly occurs in persons between 30 and 50 years of age and in fair-skinned persons of northern European descent.1,2 Studies1 have shown that women are affected about two to three times more commonly than men.
It occurs with equally among both men and women, and is most resolute in teenagers around 17 years of age.
Literature Review
Beauty therapy, Jane Hiscock, Frances Lovett, 2004
Pure beauty, Rebecca Chiyoko King-O’Riain, 2006
Awakening Beauty, Susan West Kurz, Tom Monte, 2006
Related external Links iVillage Beauty Beauty Makeup and Beauty Blog Beauty Girls in the Beauty Department
Oprah School In South Africa To Grow Women Leaders is filed under Beauty.
The Japanese have a long and beautiful tradition of healthy and delicious foods. From cold water fish, such as tuna and salmon, high in Omega-3’s, to rice (opt for whole grain when you can) and soy-based tofu, seaweed, vegetables, ginger and that oh-so-irresistable green Wasabi paste- a Japanese horseradish. I love the diet! They do not herald carb-heavy breads or crackers or cakes in their menus, as with American and European diets. And other than a nod to ice cream, with green tea or ginger sorbet, they pretty much exclude dairy products.
So if you are going dairy and gluten free, this countries designer style foods are an easy transition, requiring little thought. Here are a few suggestions. You can find the ingredients in the ethnic aisle of your supermarket, a specialty health food grocery, or an Asian market. You will get used to the terms and names of things, so don’t shy away!
MISO SOUP
INGREDIENTS
4 cups water
4 shitake mushrooms, sliced
1/2 oz. Bonito dried fish flakes/granules
6 oz.(1 small box) firm tofu, cubed
1 tbsp Sake’ (optional, but nice)
4 tbsp miso paste, or shiromiso
1 tbsp Tamari wheat-free soy sauce
2 scallions, sliced fine
1 nori (seaweed) wrapper, cut in strips
2 tsp white sesame seeds, toasted
DIRECTIONS
Add water to a pan, heat, and add bonito fish flakes. Stir in sake, soy sauce, and salt to taste, if desired. Add cubed tofu and sliced mushrooms, allowing to simmer gently for about 3 minutes. Now add miso paste and stir until it has dissolved. Turn off heat, add the sliced scallions, and divide between four bowls. Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon of the toasted sesame seeds over each bowl, and serve! Serves 4.
YAKITORI CHICKEN
2 chicken breasts, cut into 24 chunks
4 scallions, cut into 18 pieces
6 wooden skewers, soaked in water
1/2 cup yakitori marinade (see below)
DIRECTIONS
Soak the skewers in water for 20 minutes. This prevents burning! Meanwhile, make the marinade. Pre heat the broiler to high. Thread 4 chunks of chicken and 3 pieces of scallion, alternately, onto each skewer. Brush the skewers with marinade, then cook under broiler for 4 minutes on each side, brushing again with yakitori when turning. Plate the skewers, sprinkling with the remaining marinade. You may also choose to provide a small dipping dish of the yakitori sauce with each serving. Makes 6 skewers, for 2 or 3 servings, depending.
YAKITORI SAUCE
6 tbsp Tamari wheat-free soy sauce
4 tbsp sake
6 tbsp mirin (sweet rice vinegar)
2 tbsp superfine sugar
Put soy sauce, mirin, sake and sugar in a small pan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and continue to simmer for one minute. Remove pan from heat and cool. Reserve some of this sauce for drizzling over finished chicken. You may want to double the ingredients if you want to provide personal dipping sauces of Yakitori with each serving.
SUSHI ROLLS
Don’t be intimidated by the idea of rolling your own sushi! I learned at home, with a friend, so the embarrassment of too large and loosely pressed rolls was spared me, and surpassed by the intoxicating flavor and taste of freshness. With practice, you just get better. You will need a bamboo stick sushi rolling mat, and a wide wooden sushi rice spoon. You can buy these affordably in sets in some specialty groceries or kitchen supply stores. Also, keep plastic wrap on hand for the inside out-rolls. Nori strips are those flat dark green sheets of pressed seaweed that are used to roll up your sushi. And if you can locate it, I prefer the tiny orange fish eggs, known as flying fish roe, for topping the cut pieces, or rolling the inside-out rolls in. This section begins with making sushi rice, then onto rolls. Compai!
SUSHI RICE
1 1/2 cups sushi rice, or short to medium grain rice
2 tbsp rice vinegar
1 1/2 cups water
1 tbsp sugar, 1/4 tsp salt combined
Rinse rice under cold water until the water runs clear. Strain, then place in pan with water (or use a rice cooker and follow directions). Cover pan and bring rice to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from heat, let stand for another 15 minutes, do not remove the lid!
Turn rice into a wide, flat-bottomed, non-metal bowl. Pour over the sushi rice seasoning (rice vinegar, sugar & salt, combined). Using quick, cutting strokes, cut the seasoning into the rice, fanning it as you work. You can do this in front of an actual fan, of hold the spoon up high and let the rice drop down into the bowl. DO NOT STIR as this may break the grains. Keep cutting and fanning until the rice is room temperature and looks shiny. Keep it covered with a cloth, and use immediately. It is reccomended you do not refrigerate mixed sushi rice.
PHILLY ROLL
Ingredients:
2 oz. fresh, sushi grade salmon, cut into 1/2 ” strips
2 sheets nori (seaweed wrapper)
1 cup sushi rice
@2 oz. Tofutti/dairy free cream cheese
Wasabi paste, soy sauce, pickled ginger, as garnish
Directions:
Lay a sheet of nori wrapper flat on top of your rolling mat. Divide the rice into 2 equal portions. Wet your hands, and spread one portion of rice over the nori, as evenly as you can. Re-wet your hands as often as needed. Leave a 1/2 inch border at the top edge, for sealing the roll.
Dip a finger into your wasabi paste, and drag it across the length of the rice/wrapper. Place a line of the sliced salmon strips, then another thin strip of the cream cheese above that.
Pick up the nearest edge of the rolling mat. Slowly roll the mat away from you, to wrap the nori over and around the fillings. Use light pressure, lifting the mat out of the way as you roll. Press the roll into the bare border of nori. To seal the roll, it helps to dip a finger in water, run it over the edge of the seaweed wrapper, roll and press to seal.
Transfer your roll onto a cutting board or smooth surface. Taking a very sharp knife, wet it under running water, shake off the excess, and cut the roll in half. Wet again, if neccessary, between slices, and cut each half into 3 equal pieces. Repeat with the second half, for 6 pieces. Repeat, making another roll, cut into 6 more pieces.
Arrange your Philly salmon roll pieces on a plate (preferably a square, japanese style plate, for visual effect!). Serve with a shallow dipping dish of soy sauce, a dollop of wasabi paste, and a pinch of pickled ginger. Enjoy!
Divide sushi rice in half. Place a sheet of nori wrapper on top of your rolling mat. With wet fingers, spread half the rice evenly over the wrapper, leaving at least 1/2 inch border at the top. Dip a finger in wasabi paste, and drag it across the length of rice on the bottom of the roll.
Lay a line of avocado strips, followed by a strip of crabmeat, and thin strips of cucumber sticks, de-seeded.
Pick up the nearest edge of the rolling mat, and slowly roll away from you, gently pressing as you wrap the nori around the filling. Lift the mat out of the way as you roll. Take a wet finger and run it across the end border of the nori, and finish rolling, pressing the edge against the finished roll to seal it.
Transfer the roll to a cutting board, seam side down, and cut in half with a very sharp, wet knife. Cut again, for four larger pieces. Turn onto a plate, flat side up, and spread the tops with flying fish roe or toasted sesame seeds. Transfer to a presentation platter, adding a dollop of wasabi, a fat pinch of pickled ginger, and serve soy sauce in shallow dipping bowls.
INSIDE-OUT ROLLS
Inside out rolls reverse the ingredients of a sushi roll, with the green nori sheet being rolled up backwards and inside the roll, rice on the outside. Lay down your nori sheet on the sushi mat, and spread with rice, as described above. Now cover the rice with a sheet of plastic wrap. Lift and flip the wrapper over, so that the plastic covered rice surface is now pressed against the mat, and the green nori wrapper is facing up. Spread with a thin line of wasabi, and add your ingredients, as above.
Now you begin to roll away from you, lifting the plastic covered mat away from you as you go. Press the nori border into the rice as you finish, giving the roll one final gentle squeeze to hold its shape. Pull up the remaining plastic to reveal your inside out roll. Sprinkle sesame seeds over a wide plate, and roll the rice covered sushi roll in this, coating it with sesame. Transfer to a cutting board, and cut in half, then in half again, for four pieces. Repeat, with the remaining ingredients, for another roll. Plate these, and garnish with the usual dollop of green wasabi paste, pickled ginger, and serve with soy sauce.
At the beginning of my thyroiditis I had horrible sweats I had been having typical peri-menopause type night sweats lightly for years not bad enough to even really wake me up but enough to be aware they were happening. During the first few weeks of the thyroiditis they were 24 hours a day and at one point about every 20 minutes. I know there was a viral aspect as I was so sick but when that aspect subsided the hot flashes continued I assumed they were menopause related since my cycle had been erratic and I had missed a few period on more than one occasion. Someone on the yahoo list suggested to get 800 IU of vitamin E. I had been on 400 IU mixed E. So I upped the dose and in about a week the hot flashes were gone.
Fast forward several months and I started to have mild night sweats again but not enough to interfere with sleep. Then the last couple weeks they have ramped up and they are waking me up 3 or 4 times a night to throw off the covers until it passes, and now I they are hitting in the day time too. My E is still at 800 IU so I really can’t raise that. I hope it is just a hormonal adjustment as the Candida is dying off and Candida is well know for mimicking hormones. It could also be the end cycle of the thyroiditis though as so little seems to be known about the process. Yet it could just be a new round of the menopause process. LOL it is annoying especially when it wakes me up though.
What Women Can Do For Controlling Weight Gain During Menopause | ArticlesBase.com
As women approach the age where menopause symptoms begin to appear, some will start to show signs of weight gain. This may be related to the coming of menopause, and it also may just be related to getting a bit older and slowing down in physical activity. Either way, it is not a welcome side effect, and most women want to find a way to stop the weight gain and get back to a slimmer figure if possible.
Read Full Article Here: http://www.articlesbase.com/women’s-health-articles/what-women-can-do-for-controlling-weight-gain-during-menopause-1735559.html click here to read more
Pomegranate is the most powerful anti-oxidant of all fruits
It contains Potent anti-cancer and immune supporting effects Pomegranate Discourages platelet aggregation that could cause heart attacks, strokes and embolic disease Lowers cholesterol and other cardiac risk factors Lowers blood pressure
Additional medicinal benefits of pomegranates:
Atherosclerosis – Due to its richness of flavonoids and antioxidant vitamins C and E, pomegranates prevent atherosclerosis. In a recent study, patients who took a glass of pomegranate juice every day felt better after 10 days of start taking it.
Degenerative illnesses – Due to its content of antocianines (pigments of red and blue color known as flavonoids) and vitamins C and E, pomegranates stop the aging process and appearance of degenerative illnesses.
Blood purifier – A long treatment with pomegranate juice detoxifies and regenerates the blood. Pomegranates are known as “the queen” of naturopath geriatrics; they are excellent nutrition for old people as well as children.
Diabetes – Pomegranates are an excellent fruit for diabetics because they do not raise blood sugar. They protect them against atherosclerosis and hypertension, two major risks for diabetics.
Menopause – Due to their content of estrogens, pomegranates are recommended to prevent discomforts caused by menopause. Japanese women eat this fruit to prevent such discomforts.
Anti-anemia – Because of its richness in minerals, vitamin C and copper, pomegranate juice is well known for is anti-anemia effects. Pomegranates improve anemia cause by iron deficiency.
Chronic inflammations – Pomegranate juice, taken before breakfast and half hour before meals is quite effective to fight laryngitis, sinusitis, and ear inflammation with suppuration.
Pomegranates are fast becoming known as one of the healthiest foods we can eat, largely because of their beneficial effects on cardiovascular health. The benefit of supplementing with pomegranate extract (rather than drinking the juice or eating the fruit) is that the extract, unlike the juice, contains virtually no sugar or calories, and requires no refrigeration to maintain optimal quality.
**Pomegranate is considered a dietary supplement, so make sure you talk to your doctor before you start drinking it regularly. Pomegranate juice may interact with some prescription medications, such as certain high blood pressure medications and statins.
I usually only blog once a day but this was just too good to pass up .. I was at Walmart on Christmas Eve with my honey and I ran in to a neighbor from up the road. Hadn’t seen him in awhile .. so .. I’ll call him “Raymond” .. so anyway, Raymond and I stood and talked a few minutes while my honey was over in produce squeezing this & that. After we finished talking Raymond started to walk away .. and I “kinda” yelled across to my honey to get his attention. I said .. “Hey Honey .. can you come over here a minute?” .. Raymond had just walked away when I yelled hey honey. His head whirled around so fast .. I’m afraid poor ‘ole Raymond might have whiplash!!
Oh well .. ’tis the holiday season .. it’s time to share some love!! .. LOL .. the look in Raymond’s eyes was priceless .. he thought I was coming on to him .. loved it! .. it’s a mid-life thing!! .. LOL
A DC Tale from a former Washingtonian – Diane Noboa
.. I was at Walmart on Christmas Eve with my honey and I ran in to a neighbor from up the road. Hadn’t seen him in awhile .. so .. I’ll call him “Raymond” .. so anyway, Raymond and I stood and talked a few minutes while my honey was over in produce squeezing this & that. After we finished talking Raymond started to walk away .. and I “kinda” yelled across to my honey to get his attention. I said .. “Hey Honey .. can you come over here a minute?” .. Raymond had just walked away when I yelled hey honey. His head whirled around so fast .. I’m afraid poor ‘ole Raymond might have whiplash!!